How to face the death of a pet. How should we sort out our emotions and say goodbye to our pet?

Time will gradually lessen the pain, but of course, the hole still cannot be filled.
Some people in society may think it's a big deal: "It's just an animal!" But anyone who has ever owned a pet knows that it is your best friend. We all need to find dedicated time and allow ourselves to say goodbye solemnly.
How should we say goodbye
So, how should we digest the sadness when facing the death of our pet? We have the following 5 suggestions.
Digest the facts
It takes time to digest the fact that your pet has left. In addition to sadness, you may also have many regrets.
You have your own career and life, and you couldn’t spend more time with it. You would wish you had treated it better; or, you guess, if you make other medical decisions, will it die later? Wouldn't it be less painful? You can't turn back time, but you are trying to save something in this way.
In fact, you have done well enough. You think so just because you are too reluctant to let go.
It is recommended to tell the people around you about its departure. Nearby pet shops, frequently visited pet hospitals, WeChat groups where pets are posted, and pet crematories, you will find that friends can understand the sadness of losing it and will comfort you.
Chatting with them can make the stage of digesting the facts less difficult.
Farewell to it
Its departure leaves a huge hole in your heart, as if everything about it has disappeared. All the utensils and scenes at home and outside are also reminding you of it. The past.
So, you need to say goodbye to it officially. This could be saying goodbye to the body during cremation or burial, speaking to its photo, or writing a letter to it. You need this ritual to give yourself permission to let go.
Then, you can sort out its things, leave a few souvenirs, and pack the rest away or give them away.
Organize memories
Memories are beneficial. Memories help you remember the days you spent together and the meaning of life.
Its form is annihilated, but the memory of it remains in your heart. Death doesn't take everything away, it's a new phase, a new way of living.
Set aside a period of time without being disturbed: either reflect quietly by yourself; or chat with friends who have had similar experiences; or even invite everyone to hold an informal small memorial service. Let me tell you about sadness and reluctance, and the intimacy and joy it has brought——
▷ When you brought it home for the first time, it Reaction to new environment?
▷ How does it behave after getting familiar with it?
▷ Is it cute or cool?
▷ How does it welcome you home?
▷How does it express dissatisfaction?
▷ Why does it need to eat?
▷ Will it be greedy for your food?
▷ Where does it sleep and what position does it sleep in?
▷ How does it interact with family members and outsiders?
▷ Who is his favorite family member and his favorite animal companion?
▷ What changes have occurred in your life during the years of being with it?
▷ What did it look like when you first saw it, and what did it look like to you?
▷After it left, did your wish come true?
▷ What kind of years has it witnessed for you?
Use this series of questions to sort out your memories with it and help you perceive death It's not the end of everything.
Find out the meaning of its life
In some mysterious way, your lives are closely linked together.
You are a witness to its life, and it must also be a witness to a certain period of your life. Such a friend and family member deserves time to say goodbye.
Each one played an important role in someone's life.
A friend was depressed, so everyone pooled their money and bought him a Labrador as a gift. A year later, the dying depressed patient became a lively model dog dad.
After a child was frustrated, he ate all the cookies in his collection and planned to jump off the building. A big orange cat suddenly came over and licked his entire face up and down. He was licked back to life and didn't want to die.
More people are exhausted from life. Only when they return home and pick up their pets can they feel the softness and warmth of life.
Do you believe that "every life has its own specific mission"? Perhaps, it must also have some kind of mission. For example, let you not be alone or sink in that difficult period of life. For example, in a few years, warm your heart.
Experience what it brings to you and find the meaning of life.
Life after death
Finally, do you believe in life after death?
Once you discover the meaning of life, whether you believe in an afterlife or not, &ldquo"It has completed its mission and returned to the pet planet" - such childish thoughts will still comfort you.
How does the farewell ceremony work?
Freud in his epoch-making work "Mourning and Depression" ( Freud, 1927) expressed this meaning:
Losing a significant other is particularly difficult for us to digest. This loss makes us feel that we have lost our connection with the other person, and the image of the other person in our hearts seems to have disappeared.
Of course this is not the case.
However, it takes some time to mourn its departure in reality, recall the years with it, say goodbye to it in this way, and accept that it lives in our hearts in another form.
Its life has ended, but we still retain its image in our hearts. This is "Object Constancy". The process of mourning, the process of keeping it in mind, is called introjective identification.
What is object constancy?
Let’s first understand what an “object” is.
In the relational school of psychoanalysis, in order to describe the subjective experience of interacting with others,The parties will be called subjects, and others who are more important to the parties will be called objects.
Having object constancy means that people have the ability to retain stable mental images of significant others (Fraiberg, 1969).
For newborn babies, there is no object constancy. When parents take care of themselves, they exist; when they leave, they cease to exist.
Babies need to go through two to three years of psychological development to slowly develop "object constancy." Be aware that the other person is present even when they are not around, and therefore be able to tolerate that your needs are not responded to immediately.
This ability to tolerate delayed responses is also slowly developing. Often mothers have an instinct that knows to respond immediately to a newborn and to delay gratification slightly for an older baby.
The development of object constancy relies on the mechanism of psychological introjective identification.
What is introjected identification?
The entire psychological process of introjected identification is as follows:
The baby feels hungry, the mother feeds the baby after realizing it, and the baby feels Very satisfied. When the baby is hungry again, he begins to anticipate the feeding breast he needs. When he gets the feeding, he will be contented and quiet; if the feeding breast is not the one he wants, the baby will become more irritated. In this way, the baby establishes corresponding ideas in the emotional state of satisfaction or frustration, and the baby's thinking ability is developed.
Multiple satisfactions allow the baby to build up a vague image of the mother's breasts in his heart. At that time, the baby can be sure that the mother is somewhere and will soon satisfy him.
At this time, the baby relies on the inner memory of the breast, that is, the inner sensory memory of the breast, to endure the short waiting time.
Introjected identification helps us accept the departure of our pets
Of course, we have grown up now and are no longer babies, so we no longer rely on the care of others to survive. Relatives and friends have left, no matter how sad it is, we will find ways to survive.
Baby babies need introjected identification to help them survive the waiting time, and we also need introjected identification to keep the memories of pets in our hearts and accept the demise of their lives.
Introjected identification allows us to keep each other’s voices, smiles, and memories of getting along in our hearts. When we are separated from them, we can feel their presence again and again through memories. Therefore, introjected identification helps us bear the loss of the other person and helps us grieve.
The way we deal with separation, loss, and farewell is the same as at the beginning of life: we endure that the other person no longer appears in reality, cherish the beautiful memories they left, and accept that the other person lives in our hearts in this way.
Its life has special meaning to the world and you. The memories of it never really go away, this is a new phase, a new way of being alive.
This memory does not need to be perfect, it may have many omitted and funny details, and it will still make you laugh when you think about it. This memory will become a part of our lives, in this way, the other person is still living in our lives.
You don’t need to be the perfect owner, and it doesn’t need to be a perfect pet. The days you spend together are the light that shines on each other in ordinary life.
It is always sad when a pet leaves. It gives you complete attention and attachment, and you also enjoy such comfortable treatment. Its sudden departure often leaves people at a loss and not knowing what to do.
At this time you need some guidance and support from family and friends. Allow yourself to take time to grieve instead of drowning your sorrows in alcohol or indulging yourself in behavior that hurts others or yourself because of your avoidance.
Face the reality, follow the suggestions we talked about, and say goodbye piece by piece. Even if the process is difficult, you will eventually get through it safely and gain peace of mind.
Face the reality, follow the suggestions we talked about, and say goodbye bit by bit. Even if the process is difficult, you will eventually get through it safely and gain peace of mind.
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