Why is it so hard to say goodbye to a pet? How long did it take you to get over it?
Why is it difficult to say goodbye to a pet
1. The death of a pet means The loss of the owner's identity
The disappearance of the pet not only means that the owner's emotional sustenance has disappeared; It means that the master is no longer the master. People have to break away from their original identities. It is difficult to adapt to this loss of identity. The lively figure that you can see when you return home is no longer there. There is no need to buy pet supplies for the little baby at home. The nest where it used to like to stay is now empty... In life Every bit of it reminds the owners that the pet around you is no longer around, and your role in life is different.
Especially for owners who treat their pets like children, saying goodbye can be even more difficult. The departure of pets not only takes away the identity of their owners, but also takes away their identities as fathers/mothers. After the loss of dual identity and the need to redefine one's family roles, conflicting demands and accumulated stress are likely to exceed the owner's ability to cope.
2. It feels like losing a loved one
After owners and pets establish a good attachment relationship, these furry children become more than just pets. They will become more part of the family and have the same important family position as humans. Pets can evoke emotions and behavioral patterns in humans in attachment relationships. As many owners will say, "it just gets personal sometimes". Sometimes, family pets do possess some human qualities that allow them to fulfill a special role in life.
So many times, the pain caused by the departure of a pet is no less than the pain caused by the death of a relative or friend. Losing a pet is the same feeling as losing a loved one, and you can imagine how difficult it is to truly say goodbye.
3. Means that an intimate relationship is forced to end
For humans, intimate relationships echo the "needs for emotion and belonging" in Maslow's hierarchy of needs theoryquo;. In front of their pets, people do not need to hide or suppress at all, and can safely show all their emotional states.
After the pet left, this intimate relationship was forcibly ended. If the owner does not have an adequate social support system around him/her, he/she will lose his/her most important partner and someone he/she can trust wholeheartedly. The "important pet" position in the owner's life, which is similar to the position of "important other person", is vacant. No person, thing or thing can replace the position of the intimate relationship between them.
4. The owner’s sense of abandonment
The life of a pet moves too fast, but leaves its owner where he is. More or less, owners who have experienced the departure of their pets will experience a sense of abandonment: "It stayed with me for so long, and finally left without holding on anymore", "It always walks faster than me, I feel like Being left behind”.
This feeling of abandonment may originate from insecure attachment relationships in childhood. Therefore, after encountering a stressful event such as a pet leaving, the original emotions will be aroused, giving the owners a sense of insecurity and loss of control, and the original stable life state will be broken.
People often experience that their own feelings are ignored. When their pet leaves, it seems to mean that the pet does not care about them; or the world is different from before, no longer familiar, and no longer safe.
What kind of sadness will it bring when the pet leaves?
Japan, which is only separated from us by a sea, has just completed such a study:
Scientists recruited two groups of pet owners, one of which had healthy pets. , while another group of pets had just been diagnosed with cancer. After analyzing and comparing the emotions of the two groups of owners, it was found that the anxiety and depression scores of the owners in the cancer group were much higher than those in the healthy group. Just the mere fact that a pet is diagnosed with cancer brings such great negative emotions to its owners. It is obvious that the impact of losing them will be more serious and lasting.
What is sadness?
Attachment Theory by British psychiatrist John Bowlby ) thinks:
Grief is a separation anxiety reaction (Separation) when dealing with loss (Loss) Anxiety). This emotional response allows us to better face stressful events in life. When we are sad, our attention turns from the outside to the inside so that we can more fully self-assess and adjust.
The five stages of grief
In 1969, American psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross ( Elisabeth Kübler ROSS described and summarized the Five Stages of Grief in her book "On Death and Dying", which is also the most well-known theory.
For an owner whose pet has passed away, the emotional state may look like this:
The first stage: denial period (Denial)
When he first received the unfortunate news, the master was unwilling to accept the reality.Very common. It's easy for them to say something like, "You must be lying to me, my pet can't possibly leave me, there must be something wrong."
Some people think it is ridiculous not to accept the reality, but in fact, this subconscious denial is a kind of self-protection. This kind of recognition provides a simple psychological buffer time for people to accept the departure of their pets.
The second stage: Anger (Anger)
The master’s inner sadness must find an outlet. If this emotional outlet is directed to the outside world, then show it is anger.
Usually their anger will be directed at relatives, veterinarians or other owners, "Why didn't you discover its abnormality earlier?" or "It's obviously the same situation, why is my pet gone! This is unfair, why? Their pet is still alive and well"; sometimes this anger is vented towards the owner himself, manifested as self-blame, "If I had paid more attention to its situation, this kind of thing wouldn't have happened."
The third stage: Bargaining
This stage is the process in which owners gradually come to terms with the reality of their pet’s death. Some bargaining thoughts may arise, such as "I can do anything as long as my baby comes back to me."
These ideas are not useless. They either set a deadline for themselves or need to fulfill a commitment. This gives the owner enough time to accept the reality.
The fourth stage: Depression (Depression)
If the outlet of sadness is directed at the owner himself, then the expression may be depression. "It is gone, it is useless for me to do anything anymore", "I am such a failure, if If you raise another pet, its ending will probably be the same."
The fifth stage: Acceptance period (Acceptation)
As time goes by, the scars in the owner's heart will gradually be healed, and acceptance is the best outcome.
At this time, the master no longer regrets the lost life, but understands that death is not a bad thing, and death is the inevitable end of all life.
Owners who can successfully reach the acceptance period will keep every detail of getting along with their pets in mind. Many owners will have this belief that as long as this memory is still there, their pets will not really leave.
The above five stages may not necessarily occur in order, and the owner may not necessarily experience all stages, but everyone will have more or less similar experiences. Experience, you may even get stuck in one of the stages and be unable to extricate yourself.
Owners who are deeply involved in emotions have to admit that maybe it is because they cannot accept it, maybe because they are reluctant to part with it. No matter what the reason is, it is very difficult to say goodbye to their pets in this kind of mood. Even for some people, it is very difficult to say goodbye to their pets. Saying goodbye may not be possible.
How to say goodbye to pets
There is no such thing as leaving a pet A set of rituals after the death of a human being. Farewells, funerals, etc. provide time for people to digest the facts and sort out shared memories with the deceased. The absence of a pet at home is often an event that ends abruptly. Owners are often not ready to deal with their own emotions, and before they can gather their minds and say goodbye to their pets, everything is over.
The sudden fact makes it difficult for owners to say goodbye to their babies properly, and they always leave too many regrets in their hearts.
It is a very difficult process to say goodbye to a pet, but the owner can only feel relieved after saying goodbye well.
I hope that after understanding the psychological principles behind it, friends and family canIt is enough to understand why the owners react like this, and then provide support and accompany them through this difficult time.
The owners can also begin to understand their own emotions, get rid of the whirlpool of endless sadness, gradually feel relieved, and slowly turn sadness into longing, thinking about their babies while continuing to live a good life.
After all, the babies who have returned to the pet planet also hope that what they leave to their owners is happiness, not sadness.
No matter what happens, the days spent with pets will be engraved in the hearts of owners, and will always be precious and sparkling.
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